Jokes I Like!
My favorite jokes
When i first went to school i was pretty confused. my teacher would always tell us "bring clothes for gym" and i was always wondering who is this Jim guy. and why can't he bring his own clothes?
From Alden Mulherin
What do you call a angry gorilla wearing earmuffs?
whatever you like. he can't hear you.
from Alden Mulherin
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
from
Laura Churchill Duke
From Alden Mulherin
What do you call a angry gorilla wearing earmuffs?
whatever you like. he can't hear you.
from Alden Mulherin
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
from
Laura Churchill Duke
Jokes
What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
Fry-days.
What dog would be the best plumber?
a great DRAIN!!!(great dane)
Why was the free electron so sad?
It had nothing to be positive about
why did the lady go out side in the rain with her purse open?
because she hoped the whether would "change!!!"
Knock knock
who's there?
Hank
Hank who?
You're welcome!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ice. Ice who?
Ice to meet you.
knock knock
Who's there?
Abby
Abby who?
Abby Birthday to you
knock, knock.
Who's there?
Clare.
Clare who?
Clear the way, I'm coming through!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
What's the most polluted planet?
The answer is supposed to be "Pollute-o" (Pluto) but it could be "Uranus!"
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator (in vest i Gator!)
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eyed deer (no idea-r)
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken
Two fathers and two sons go fishing. Each of them catches one fish. So why do they bring home only three fish?
Because the fishing group comprises a grandfather, his son, and his son's son - hence just three people.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank
If there are four apples and you take away three, how many do you have?
You took three apples so obviously you have three!
If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?
9
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
why didn't the bee have extra time?
He was always Buzzzzzzy (busy)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called "bay-gulls" (bagels)
What is the difference between broccoli and snot?
Kids won't eat broccoli
What goes up and down but does not move
Stairs
Where should a 500 pound alien go?
On a diet
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
Lonely
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights!
What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
Someday my prints will come!
Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
What part of the car is the laziest
The wheels, because they are always tired!
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we will go places!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't any chickens yet!
Why did the 2nd chicken cross the road?
Because the 1st one forgot his wallet!
What is a snake's favorite class?
HISSSSSSSSS-tory!
What do ducks wear to parties?
Duck-edos!
What do you call a rabbit who is owned by a beetle?
A bug's bunny!
What is a zombie's favorite time?
Dead time!(bed time!)
Knock Knock
who's there?
who
who who
are you an owl?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
a gummy bear!
What is a snowman's favorite month?
snovember!
Why do cats meow?
because if they barked they'd be dogs!
Why is it hard to hide a leopard?
because they're always spotted!
What do clouds wear under there pants?
thunderwear!
Fry-days.
What dog would be the best plumber?
a great DRAIN!!!(great dane)
Why was the free electron so sad?
It had nothing to be positive about
why did the lady go out side in the rain with her purse open?
because she hoped the whether would "change!!!"
Knock knock
who's there?
Hank
Hank who?
You're welcome!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ice. Ice who?
Ice to meet you.
knock knock
Who's there?
Abby
Abby who?
Abby Birthday to you
knock, knock.
Who's there?
Clare.
Clare who?
Clear the way, I'm coming through!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
What's the most polluted planet?
The answer is supposed to be "Pollute-o" (Pluto) but it could be "Uranus!"
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator (in vest i Gator!)
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eyed deer (no idea-r)
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken
Two fathers and two sons go fishing. Each of them catches one fish. So why do they bring home only three fish?
Because the fishing group comprises a grandfather, his son, and his son's son - hence just three people.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank
If there are four apples and you take away three, how many do you have?
You took three apples so obviously you have three!
If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?
9
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
why didn't the bee have extra time?
He was always Buzzzzzzy (busy)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called "bay-gulls" (bagels)
What is the difference between broccoli and snot?
Kids won't eat broccoli
What goes up and down but does not move
Stairs
Where should a 500 pound alien go?
On a diet
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
Lonely
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights!
What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
Someday my prints will come!
Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
What part of the car is the laziest
The wheels, because they are always tired!
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we will go places!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't any chickens yet!
Why did the 2nd chicken cross the road?
Because the 1st one forgot his wallet!
What is a snake's favorite class?
HISSSSSSSSS-tory!
What do ducks wear to parties?
Duck-edos!
What do you call a rabbit who is owned by a beetle?
A bug's bunny!
What is a zombie's favorite time?
Dead time!(bed time!)
Knock Knock
who's there?
who
who who
are you an owl?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
a gummy bear!
What is a snowman's favorite month?
snovember!
Why do cats meow?
because if they barked they'd be dogs!
Why is it hard to hide a leopard?
because they're always spotted!
What do clouds wear under there pants?
thunderwear!